my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
