i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
