I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
