so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
