I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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