Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
