I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
