Need sex. Gaining weight.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
