apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
