i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
