Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
