i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she told me i tasted like america
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
