The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
