Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
