We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
