I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
