you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
