Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
