I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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