What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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