she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i believe in u and ur pee
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
