I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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