All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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