i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
