you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
