haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You ruined the universe
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
