Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
