so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
