I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
