At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
