finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
