So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Its about making memories worth repressing
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
