Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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