can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
