Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
love makes seman taste better
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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