I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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