I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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