I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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