R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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