Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
