I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
