I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
bring money and cleavage
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
