So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
