My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
