Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
