Just cropdusted the office
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
