Need sex. Gaining weight.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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