Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
