I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
