Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
