I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
